halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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