The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
