I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
