So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
