Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
