Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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