I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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