I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
