I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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