I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
