a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
bring money and cleavage
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
