you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
