Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
