remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You are a genius and a whore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
