I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize