I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
