I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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