I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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