i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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