so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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