Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
