he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
