high people should be assigned attendants
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
