I look better un-naked...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
