Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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