I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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