Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
