this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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