JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
