I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
