Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
