Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
