Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
