Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
