I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you will always have a special place in my vag
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
