Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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