There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
