my mouth tastes like poor choices
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize