Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
