I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
