So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
