Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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