I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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