why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
