My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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