If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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