There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I need moral support for this bender
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
