That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize