how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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