i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
