He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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