Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Too much gin, very little bucket
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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