I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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