i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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