your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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