Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
