Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she looked like the before picture.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
