you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The ass gains better be worth it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
