I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
