So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
