I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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