U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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