I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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