standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
so much tequila, so little girl.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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