I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
