wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
