I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
