Porn is love you can see.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
